I'll Be Right Beside You
by MayContainRandomness
Summary: Tamaki left Japan to stay with his mother during her last months. Afterwards he decided to stay and work there. It's been two years and he gets a phone call that brings him flying back to Japan. Haruhi... Complete minus editting
1. Flying Back

**I don't know why I suddenly decided to write a sad one-shot but I was listening to Run by Leona Lewis (how it got on my iPod among all of the Simple Plan, MCR and All American Rejects songs I don't know. . *stares at sister accusingly*) But I'm glad she put it there, even if it was an 'accident' because I got this idea, or the ending anyway, I had to think up the beginning and middle XD.**

**Usually I'm not a Tamaki X Haruhi fan, I love Mori to bits but I decided to try Tamaki... even if he is a complete baka...**

**I have put whose POV it's in (and it will change throughout) but I think it you read on it will be fairly obvious.**

**I'll be Right beside You**

I was just finishing up a meeting when I got the call.

I couldn't believe it.

She's what?

How?

How long had it been like this?

I got the first flight to Japan.

I didn't care that grandmother had another meeting ready for me in an hour.

I had more important things to do.

~.~.~.~

I wriggled restlessly in my first class seat on the plane. I could have been on my private plane but grandmother made sure _that _wouldn't happen. The man in front of me threw his newspaper at me and hissed at me to go to sleep and let everyone else get some rest, oops.

I didn't go to sleep, I couldn't. So I sat back and thought about her. Kyouya rang me and told me she had just been hospitalised. Cancer, and not the star sign, not the tropic, it was the disease. 'Cancer of the heart' that was all Kyouya had chance to say before I slammed the phone down on him. I hope he's not mad about that...

It has two years since I stepped foot on Japanese soil, I miss that country, but also, when I came back to France I rediscovered my love for this one too and I'm glad I came back. Even if it was just to stay with my mother in her last dying months. It turned out grandmother had a heart enough to let me see her when she was on her deathbed. Is Haruhi on hers now? She's never said anything and when Kyouya called me the first thing he said was 'Tamaki, something has happened and even I didn't expect it' so at least I know they didn't all go behind my back.

I couldn't help but wonder to myself whether she had been ill for long. She'd said some weird stuff before I left but I assumed it was because she was going to miss her daddy. My mind drifted to a memory, soon before the end of my third year of high school.

_I'll sing one last time for you _

_Then we really have to go_

_You've been the only thing that's right_

_In all I've ever done_

It was another ordinary day and I was lucky enough to be entering school at the same time as Haruhi so, as a father would normally do I rushed up to hug her. Haruhi seemed less grumpy than she usually was when I hugged her and called her 'daughter', even if she was my daughter, how else could I like her so much?

As I was saying, she looked less grumpy but still managed to frown (it looked so cute!)

'Senpai, get off me. We're going to be late to class,' her usual lines, she pulled at my arm once but gave up trying to escape, if that was even a valid attempt. She sighed, 'Senpai?'

'Yes my wonderful daughter?' another roll of her eyes.

'I've realised that all I've ever done is study. Staying in the host club, even with my debt free, is the only right decision I've made in a while. As much as I hate to admit it, being in the host club is really fun and I haven't let myself have much fun since before my mom died.'

'...' there was a moment of silence, she sounded really serious, like there was an underlying meaning to her short speech but I couldn't help myself, 'you're so adorable when you're serious!' I squealed.

'Senpai, I'll say this once more, we don't have much time,' Haruhi sighed again in irritation, sounding very miserable.

'For what?' Haruhi seemed to pause for a moment.

'To get to class,' I didn't realise at the time, but that wasn't all she meant. I was so dumb wasn't I? Thank God I've grown up a bit now.

I wailed, 'I'm sorry Haruhi! I've made you late for class!' then a sandwich wrapper hit me on the head and a magazine got me in the face. What? I don't remember that happening and it felt like it had really just happened.

'Shut up!' a few angry voices yelled at me. I blinked and rubbed my eyes, so I had managed to fall asleep. Did I say that last bit out loud? Oops again. I think I'm going to have to send some apology flowers to these passengers if I don't want an Anti-Tamaki club waiting at my door.

**I know it's short but I'm going to base each chapter on a verse or two of the song so I couldn't really think of anything else. I thought it was going to be a one-shot but oh well. I hope you like the first chapter; the next one will be up soon, promise. I know the basics for each verse so it shouldn't take too long.**

**There's a button right beneath here that would love to be pushed**

**Oooh, pretty button...**


	2. Just Can't Say

**I'm back already, I'm a bit stupid and now have three, no four fanfics that need constant updating but never mind. I have a bit of jet lag so I keep waking up early so it is something to do in the morning while everyone else is asleep. Here is chapter two, please read and review... did that rhyme?! **

_Beep, beep, b-beep. Beep, b- beep, beep._

I'd been here only one night and that sound was already getting on my nerves. I could understand why the heart monitor had to _be _there; it _was _my heart that was slowly getting covered in tumours, as well as my lungs and bones now. So far it's safe to say my heart was still beating even if it was slightly irregular.

Even though I understood, it was still giving me a headache. Or has the cancer spread to my brain too?

I don't mind anymore, about the cancer I mean. I had worked really hard since I was diagnosed with Heart Cancer and I've been a lawyer for three months now. I worked my ass of in law school and managed to skip a year, I'm glad because otherwise I'd still be in school.

School.

I hadn't told any of my school friends what was wrong. When the fever and fainting started I told them I had a bad flu. I'm sure they were suspicious when the fever kept coming back but even Kyouya didn't know, hooray for patient confidentiality. Even _I _didn't know when the fainting started that I had cancer. My dad forced me to go to the doctor when my heart rate went through the roof; I swear it was like a rocket.

The doctors almost immediately knew what was wrong when I explained my symptoms but there was all the complicated diagnostic testing before they told me I had primary tumours (started in the heart) and they tested positive for cancer. It didn't come as much of a surprise seeing as my mother had the same problem, but it wasn't pleasant finding out.

It didn't stop me from working hard, knowing I was probably going to die because the treatment is so difficult without damaging healthy parts of the heart as well, it made me work harder. The members of the host club thought I was mad, I skipped a year of school (halfway through my second year I got put in the third year of high school), I was doing revision whilst walking in the hallways and even when the host club took a break and went away I would bring my work with me no matter how much Kyouya added to my debt. If he wanted that money so badly he would have to chase me to my grave, literally.

When I heard Tamaki was leaving for France in a month's time, I was crushed; I loved him and knew it but for once, couldn't say my feelings. I could hardly ask him to stay because, well, his mother was dying. I couldn't be with my mother the moment she died, my dad wouldn't let me because he thought I would be traumatised or something. Tamaki should be there for his mother.

_And I can barely look at you_

_But every single time I do _

_I know we'll make it anywhere_

_Away from here_

As the time came closer I found it hard to look at him. One the odd occasion when he called my name and I would lift my head automatically I would see his eyes, they were filled with concern, happiness, sadness and another emotion. I couldn't tell what. I'd see those eyes and I'd feel confident. I knew he was going to be ok in France and it knew I could become a lawyer. If I could live until then maybe I would still be alive when he came back from France.

Before he left, one of those time when he called my name he said, 'Haruhi, why are you working so hard. You're smart enough as it is. It's not like someone's timing you to become the world's youngest lawyer, take your time,' how wrong he was, still, I was touched by his speech then he ruined it by adding, 'you might make yourself ill my poor little daughter working so hard.'

There was the daughter thing again, another reason for not telling him how I felt. He always sees me as a daughter, why? I don't know.

_Light up, light up_

_As if you have the choice_

_Even if you cannot hear my voice_

I'll be right beside you, dear

Smile, smile, you need to smile. I screamed in my head. It was hard when he thought I had forever when it was really somewhere between months and a couple of years.

The smile slowly came to my face, a little too slow. Tamaki sensed I wasn't happy.

'Haruhi,' he bent down. The other host members were ignoring him as he usually gave me attention like this as I was his 'daughter'.

'Even when I am in France, I'll still be here. Even if you can't hear or see me I'll still be here.

~.~.~.~

Hot tears ran down my face as I thought about the memory. Yes, he would be here. But I wouldn't. I gripped the hospital blanked with as much strength as I could muster and fought back the tears.

When I collapsed after a difficult court case (which I'd won) I was hospitalised. Kyouya, as he owned the hospital I was put in, heard soon after and about an hour following when I had been put in a hospital bed with this stupid drip in my arm the host club appeared in my room, in a state of complete panic and shock.

Of course, the one person I wanted to be there wasn't.

Kyouya went outside to make a call.

While he was gone I explained what was wrong with me to the others. They weren't mad that I hadn't told them sooner, even Hikaru kept his temper, but to my dismay they started to cry. Well, Mori didn't but he looked very upset for him.

Kyouya came back in, 'Tamaki is on his way back from France.'

**OK, second chapter done, I hope I get more reviews but that might be a bit selfish. Thank you for the review from KageNoNeko :) **

**Thank you to all those people reading this as well, much appreciated. **


	3. Deja vu

**This might be the last chapter for a while but not by choice because my computer needs to get fixed because my mum accidentally kicked my laptop down the stairs. Miraculously, it still works but the hinge is busted completely and it nearly ripped a wire that does erm... something important even if I don't know exactly what that important thing is.**

The plane finally landed, I'm really confused so I don't know what time it is but the sky tells me it's just about dawn, or is that dusk? I was walking out of the airport into a relatively warm spring morning or... evening? I'd left my P.A to get my suitcases and bring them to the hotel. I wanted to go to the hospital. I stopped for a moment. What hospital was Haruhi in? I picked my phone up and called Kyouya, maybe I should have listened to him properly when he called.

I dialled his number and it rang for what seemed like a century. I was about to give up, assuming Kyouya didn't have his phone... which he's never done. There was a click then a groggy voice growled at me scarily down the phone.

'Do you know what _time _it is you moron?' Kyouya hissed.

'No...'

'It's five thirty in the morning and I've had an hours sleep. What the hell do you want?'

I whimpered but decided I needed to be strong for Haruhi.

'Ah... I've just come out of the airport. What hospital is Haruhi in?'

'It doesn't matter at the moment, what hospital is going to let you visit a patient at this time?' Kyouya sighed, 'come to my house for now and we can go at nine, that's the earliest they'll let even me in.'

I said a quick thanks and goodbye before running off to find my car.

That was before I realised I didn't have a car, thank you again grandmother for that. Then I realised I also didn't have my wallet. Oh well, walking wouldn't be too bad, Kyouya lived nearby anyway. I set out, my pace started to quicken though after the temperature dropped and the clouds started to look a little greyer and a little less white. I was about half-way to Kyouya's when the clouds spewed the water they held upon me. It just caused me to run faster and I laughed at the déjà vu feeling I got. People walking past were looking at me strangely but anyway, on with the memory!

I was my idea for the host club trip, well, they were always my ideas. I decided it would be a good opportunity for family bonding if we went camping and for once Haruhi looked quite happy with the idea. She actually smiled! It made me so happy that I'd got something right.

That weekend we went by her house to pick her up, she was dressing in girlish clothes (for her anyway) because we weren't hosting on this trip. She was Capri's that were denim with a peach rim around the bottom and a sleeveless peach colour top with a larger turquoise one on top. She had a pair of brown sunglasses on her head as it was a sunny day. She looked cute, as usual. There was random gossip on the way to the campsite, usually we would have a chauffeur but this time Mori-senpai was driving, to save the driver the trouble of dropping us off then driving all the way back.

When we got to the campsite we set up our tents or more Haruhi showed us how, we still couldn't do it so she and Mori-senpai ended up putting them up. Tents, even the big ones we bought, are awful small. I couldn't even stand up! But it was all part of the commoner experience before I went to France; it was my last weekend with all of my best friends. I knew I'd miss them.

_Louder, louder_

_And we'll run for our lives_

_I can hardly speak, I understand_

_Why you can't raise your voice to say_

Later that day Haruhi asked me to help her collect firewood. As was happening to me know, the sky had darkened but we didn't notice. She was explaining to me how the damp wood I had collected wouldn't work when we made a fire. I thought I heard a shout but Haruhi didn't seem to notice so I ignored it. We collected a few more sticks, Haruhi found them and I carried them.

'-hi! T...ak.! !'

I definitely heard something that time. Haruhi heard it too. She tapped my shoulder and pointed at the sky. The huge grey clouds told us exactly what we needed to know. It was going to rain, hard.

'Quick, pass me some of the sticks and we'll see if we can get them in the tent before it rains,' Haruhi grabbed some of the wood out of my hands and started running up the hill out of the woods and into the open field we had our huge tent set up in. We were just into the field when there was a huge groan and bucket loads of water plunged to the ground, soaking us instantly.

Haruhi dropped her sticks, 'there's no point now they're wet,' she yelled over the roar of the rain,' she kept running but I soon over took her. I grabbed her had to tug her along then slipped into a puddle, dragging her with me.

We both sat in stunned silence, the muddy puddle soaking into our already sopping wet clothes; we looked at each other and laughed. I stopped laughing and Haruhi just smiled at me.

'Haruhi,' I choked sadly, 'I... I'm,'

Haruhi stopped smiling and her eyes seemed to dim a bit she opened her mouth but closed it again then she stood up silently and pulled me up.

_To think I might not see those eyes_

_Makes it so hard not to cry_

_And as we say our long goodbyes_

_I nearly do_

Exactly in a week's time from then I was standing in the airport the last person I saw was Haruhi with her hands pressed to the window and it must have been the glass reflecting but I swear she was crying. We'd stood staring at each other for a long time but I had to turn away as the hard lump got stuck in my throat and my eyes started to itch.

~.~.~.~

There was a buzz in my pocket that brought me back to reality. It was my phone. I pulled it out of my soaking pocket.

'Baka, what the hell are you doing outside my gate in the rain? The hospital called; if you want to see Haruhi I'm afraid we don't have much time. Get your ass in the car,' the window of the car that had pulled up next to me rolled down. There was my old friend sitting in the seat he was calling another number, 'I'm telling the others about Haruhi's condition,' he told me as I clambered into the car.

'Is she...?' I couldn't bring myself to say the word.

'The cancer is terminal,' Kyouya confirmed, not wanting to say the word either his voice shook, Kyouya, the strongest person I've ever know, was distressed, 'they couldn't remove the cancerous tumour before it spread then it was too late,' he ran is hand through his hair then removed his glasses and moaned, 'I should have seen this sooner.'

I didn't reply, I just sank back into the seat, dumbstruck. I thought she was going to get better, she's not dying. I refuse to believe that.

What if I didn't get there in time?

What if she was already gone?

I'm never going to see her again.

The thought tore me apart inside.

**OK, angst stuff here. It won't just be chapter upon chapter of memories, there will be some actual story. There isn't much so left for me to use in my story I hope you like whatever there is left of it and thanks to those people who have reviewed *hands cookies to those wonderful people* **

**Is it just me or is everyone having trouble uploading documents? I deleted something I had already uploaded then used copy and paste to get up this chapter ^^ Fanfiction seems to have a lot of problems ;_;**


	4. Live, then Die

**My computer went away to get fixed now it looks all shiny and new ^^ I only got it back about an hour ago and immediately started updating stuff :) sorry to keep you all waiting. Anyway, I'll shut up and actually write something.**

I was annoyed. I know it was for my own good and all but wearing an oxygen mask and having all these wires prodding is not my idea of enjoyment. I tried to sigh but it came out more of just a slightly longer breath.

Dad was sitting next to me. He'd stopped crying about ten minutes ago thankfully, not what I want to hear in my last hours. Dad held my hand really tight, it hurt a bit but it was better than the tears. The twins were here as well, they looked like they'd been sleeping in the corridor but of course they denied it. Their hair was a mess, it's the first time I've seen them without their hair immaculately styled with gel and whatever other fancy products they use. It was also kind of obvious they hadn't gone home considering they were wearing the same clothes as they had the day before but I decided not to point that out.

_Light up, light up_

_As if you have the choice_

_Even if you cannot hear my voice_

_I'll be right beside you dear_

Huni crept into the room with Mori close behind. He had his beloved Usa-chan clutched in his small hands but his eyes were dry, there were probably no more tears to cry considering the bucketfuls he's managed to produce yesterday.

'Haruhi,' Mori greeted. At least someone was acting normal, why was everyone grieving if I was still here. I pulled of the oxygen mask and smiled. I was feeling quite calm and surprisingly happy. It's not like I had much of a choice. With the amount of meds I was on I was probably as high as a kite.

I tried to reply with any greeting but speaking wasn't something I could take for granted anymore, each breath was hard, 'Hey *breath* guys. All *breath* ok?'

Most of them obviously flinched, I didn't sound too great do it was understandable.

'We're... fine Haru-chan. It's nice to see you,' Huni grinned. It would have been nice if he had just said _no, I'm upset and I hope this isn't the last time I can see you. _But it was. I gave another raspy sigh and surveyed the bright room. There was a huge display of flowers that filled most of the room. They were pretty and smelt nice. I didn't like most showy things but flowers were an exception. They were natural. They didn't have to be expensive to look the best. They lived and died, like I was going to.

Crowded around my bed were the hosts. Well. Not all of them of course. Kyouya was missing.

And Tamaki.

The twin, my dad and Huni were all chatting to try and blot out the fact that I wasn't going to be here much longer, trying to talk to me enough to fill in the lifetime of talking they thought they had with me. They sounded happy but despair and desperation hung heavy in the air. I was already in pain but the awful atmosphere was almost killing me, not that I needed any help.

The only person I couldn't hear, that I wanted to hear, was Tamaki.

Tamaki!

I _could _hear him. He wasn't in the room. Oh god. Was I going mental as well? That's just great, I was dying of cancer that was quickly killing me and in the time I have left I'm going to be an insane babbling fool.

But I wasn't mental, Tamaki flung the door open in his usual dramatic style but then he stopped. He just stood there looking at me. I didn't do anything either, I was too busy gaping like a fish (It might have been shock but it may also have been the fact I couldn't breathe properly without my mask which was **hanging** around my neck)

The rest of the room was silent too, I'm guessing _they _didn't know Tamaki was coming either.

Tamaki stumbled over to my bed and touched my face with one hand, gently, as if to check I was actually real.

For the first time in thirteen years, I started to cry.

**Thank you for reading, I already have the next chapter in my head so you shouldn't be waiting long ;)**


	5. Fearing Love

**Ok, I **_**did **_**have the chapter in my head... then lost it. The verses generally just repeat themselves now do it's getting harder to come up with something original. It will come to me so I hope you enjoy the second last chapter of this fic. :)**

Tears spilled over Haruhi's eyes. Had I upset her?

She pulled me closer and hugged me, then leant back again.

'What... are you doing... in Japan moron? Hm?' she smiled and laughed but ended up having to place they oxygen mask over her face so she could breathe.

'I heard you were ill, of course I came to Japan,'

Haruhi shook her head and smiled. Like she didn't believe I would fly half way across the world for that, like it was no big deal.

...It was really quiet, I looked around and everybody had disappeared... bathroom break?

I sat down in the chair Haruhi's father had been sitting in, 'Haruhi, please don't go, I've missed you.'

The tears were still spilling down her face at an alarming rate, 'I don't want to... die either... but I'm afraid... I'm going to... I don't have much... time,' she was sobbing hard now, 'I missed... you too... I'm glad I... got to see... you before... I died,' the more upset she was getting the more her breathing grew ragged.

I was still upset but her comment made me feel really happy, I didn't think she cared much for me.

I had an idea, 'do you want to spend the rest of your time in a hospital bed?'

Haruhi shook her head, 'have to though.'

'Not necessarily, I'm sure I could get the doctor to make an exception,' I grinned. Haruhi's eyes widened.

'You could do... that?' she looked excited at the idea of getting out of the hospital. I nodded.

'I'll be back soon,' I left the room, discovering the host club plus Ranka; they stood suspiciously around the door, had they been eavesdropping?

'So Tama-chan, what are you gonna do to get Haruhi out the hospital-,' Mori put a hand over Huni's mouth. Too late. Yup, they'd been eavesdropping. I didn't really care I just went to find a doctor to charm.

_5 Minutes later_

'Of course, of course,' the doctor laughed giddily, 'just make sure she has plenty of warm clothes on, it might start raining again at any moment and make her take this portable oxygen tube,' the doctor was the same colour as a beetroot right now and had to lean against a desk for support. She almost squealed when her hand met mine giving me the oxygen tube thing. I'm lucky Haruhi's doctor was a girl.

'Thank-you, fair maiden,' I bowed and left the room before sprinting down the corridor to get Haruhi. I ran past the host club yet again then crashed through Haruhi's door. She raised an eyebrow at me.

'_Must _you keep trying... to knock the door down... instead of opening... it like a normal person,'

'Your doctor says we can go out until six tonight!' I declared happily.

'Really?' Haruhi smiled, 'I bet you... charmed her out of... it. You haven't... changed.'

'Neither have you,' I laughed, 'can you get changed? The doctor says you have to put warm clothes on because it was raining earlier and here the oxygen tube thing the doctor gave me,' Haruhi nodded then shooed me out of the room. When I left the room I bumped into Ranka who somehow managed to give me a disgusted and pleased look all at the same time.

'I still hate you, insect,' he said, brushing imaginary dirt from his skirt, 'but you've made Haruhi happy so I guess I can put up with you for now. Just don't leave her again like you've done for that last two years.'

I could only nod; there was a lump in my throat preventing me from speaking.

Haruhi opened the door of her room, my mouth hung open, since when had she started dressing like a _girl_. She was wearing trousers still but they were elegantly cut and she had a white blouse on with black belt around the stomach with a knee length brown coat. The coat was obviously a Hitachiin design. I think I made some incomprehensible comment or something because Haruhi obviously thought my reaction was amusing.

'What? You expected... guy clothes? I _do _have to look... presentable... at court cases,' she smiled, 'can we go now? I haven't... seen grass for almost... a week.'

I came out of my stupor and lead her by the hand out of the hospital, I think I could feel Hikaru's eyes burning into my head, why is he mad with me now? It looked like he wanted to come with me and Haruhi but I couldn't really tell what he was screaming through the gag over his mouth and why on earth Kaoru was restraining him? I really don't understand those twins.

When we got outside we decided just to go to the park, I was looking forward to seeing a commoner park and I was happy to see Haruhi looking enthusiastic as well.

_Louder, louder_

_And we'll run for our lives_

_I can hardly speak, I understand_

_Why you can't raise your voice to say_

We were about half way when Haruhi stumbled a bit and had to lean on me to walk, she was obviously struggling but same old Haruhi wanted to do it by herself. It was when her breathing started to get more difficult that I refused to let her go on. I picked her up and placed her on my back.

'Tamaki... I'm too old... for piggybacks,' she complained.

'Sorry, the wind is too loud. Did you say something,' I asked innocently, Haruhi giggled, the fresh air must really have been getting to our heads because we were both acting like drunkard idiots, I started sprinting down the street with Haruhi clinging to my back, she place her head on mine and closed her eyes, I caught our reflection in a shop window and I was happy to see her smiling.

When we reached the park I didn't put her down, one, I don't think she would be able to walk and really she shouldn't be anyway and two, I was quite enjoying carrying her around even if people were staring at us.

'You know,' Haruhi started, I 'mmed' her to continue, 'this is the last place... I went walking with my... mom before she went... to hospital, we fed the ducks... and she played on the swings with me,' Haruhi looked at the playground wistfully as we passed it. I put her down on a bench and we sat and watched a small girl throwing bread at a hoard of ducks, squealing happily. Haruhi smiled at the girl when she ran past towards her mother, 'I wanted to... be a mom.'

'You would've made a good mother,' I whispered.

'Better than... Kyouya was?' Haruhi replied after a pause.

I laughed, 'Yes, better than Kyouya.'

'How's... your life... in France?' Haruhi asked then stopped to breathe from her oxygen tube.

'Mm, ok I guess. A bit boring and I missed everybody a lot. It was nice seeing my mother, even if it was only for a month or so. I still don't know how Grandmother persuaded me into staying in France, I might have stayed to be near to Maman's grave,' Haruhi nodded understandingly.

'The one... thing that stops... me being afraid of... death is my mother... waiting for me,' Haruhi closed her eyes and leant against me, breathing in as much of the fresh air as she could, I sat silently, expecting her tired body to fall asleep but then she said one last thing, 'the one thing that makes... me afraid of death... is never again seeing...' her voice faded away and a wrapped my arms around her protectively, she didn't pull away.

**One more chapter to go, I hope I haven't put anyone off the story with an awful chapter. I also apologise for you having to wait so long, I have coursework and I stayed up too late with friends three nights in a row... oopsies? **


	6. Still Lingering

**Last chapter here we go, I've been a bad person and updated this before my other one which has been waiting for way too long. I hope you all enjoy reading this and thank you for all of the reviews to all those people out there who sent them :) Also I'm sorry it took so long but I wrote the whole chapter then realised it was in second person and you may have noticed the whole of the fanfic has been in first person... I feel stupid.**

**PS: I switched around the last two verses cos otherwise it would make no sense and also the change in tense halfway through this chapter is intended (you'll see what I mean)**

**~.~.~.~**

I felt soft sheets around me and warm breath on my cheek then it drifted away. I embraced the warmth and half tried to listen to the conversations of the people around me, I could make out their voices but not what they were saying, I didn't really care, if I went to sleep the pain in my chest wouldn't feel so bad.

_Louder, louder _

_And we'll run for our lives_

_I can hardly speak I understand_

_Why you can't raise your voice to say_

I smiled and buried my head in the pillow... until I heard the sound of my dad throttling Tamaki, they just kept making more and more noise, they do knows this is a hospital right? I frowned and put a hand on my bedside table, searching for something to throw at them, I pulled myself up, wincing, and chucked the first cookie at the twins' heads, then my dad's, then Huni (although he seemed more please and just picked up the cookie and ate it).

'We're sorry Haruhi,' Tamaki muttered guiltily. I felt slightly less angry.

'I've got artificially flavour crumbs in my hair,' Hikaru ruined it with his annoying wailing.

'You're... so... loud,' I managed to grumble.

'Haru-chan's angry, it's scary. Run!' Huni shrieked, thankfully Mori put a hand over his mouth and gave him some cake to shut him up.

'I apologise for these idiots, Haruhi,' Kyouya sounded annoyed himself but I was already curled up into a ball with my eyes screwed shut. My heart rate was going weird again, it hurt, but I was already on the highest amount of medication that was a safe level so I'll just have to grin and bear it. I opened my mouth to say something then clamped it shut and gritted my teeth, I curled into a tighter ball, 'I will also forgive you for ignoring me, just this once,' I would have laughed if I could.

There was silence and finally I managed to drift into a light sleep, there was sort of a hazy light in front of my eyes, like a dream I couldn't quite focus into. There were pulses of light and what could have been birds... or maybe people.

There was a red pulse of light and my eyes snapped open and I sat up.

It hurt.

Understatement of the century.

There was the damn heart monitor beating again, stupid alert light flashing.

It hurts.

My arm is numb and I everything is fussy.

I don't want to die yet.

I haven't told him yet.

Not yet, please.

I hunched over and tried to breathe.

Not yet, please.

_Please?_

~.~.~.~

_Light up, light up_

_As if you have the choice_

_Even if you can't hear my voice_

_I'll be right beside you, dear_

I can see a light; I never thought there would be a real freaking light when I died. How cheesy does that sound? _'Go into the light!'_

Why does heaven have a ceiling... and Tamaki?

'Nngh,' I groan. I'm in pain, nope, can't be dead yet. I guess that's a good thing. Nobody can hear my small groan, they're fighting. Again. But this time it's Kyouya being the annoyance. That damn hypocrite.

'What's wrong in being hopeful?'Hikaru was yelling. Kyouya strides towards him.

'It's false hope! You're making things harder for everyone and I am very, very tired,' Kyouya pins him against the wall, 'do you think any of us find this easy? _Any _of us would give anything to give her her life back,' he's pointing at me.

'It's... rude... to... point,' damn, I'm slow at talking they've turned around before I finished my sentence, 'and... I'm... af...raid...I...don't... have...a....choice... with.... dying,'

'We're sorry Haruhi,' Hikaru's face is the colour of his hair and he's shuffling his feet like a scolded child. I smile and try to sit up, I can't get much further than lifting my head up then I flop back down to the pillow.

This sucks.

'How... long?' they know what I mean but they don't say anything, 'hours?' I need to stop talking.

'A couple of days max,' Kyouya's gained his usual composure and can speak rather coolly. I nod then close my eyes again; it's tiring work, dying you know.

~.~.~.~

I'm being pulled back into the world of consciousness, reluctantly.

As my mind starts to work again the pain comes back but at least I can see and hear now.

'How do I tell her though?' Tamaki's staring at me and the mood seems to have changed drastically since I was last awake. It's really annoying me how I keep missing what seem like really important conversations.

'Tell... what?' I'm not even speaking like a comprehensible human anymore.

Tamaki blinks as I do, but I'm pretty sure he looks more like a fish out of water than me.

'I... I... I...' come ON Tamaki, _I _can do better than that, 'I love you,' it tumbles out of his mouth like a waterfall (metaphorically speaking).

Say what?

I frown, 'a... joke?'

He looks like a tomato as he shakes his head.

I can't believe it.

No way.

Not a snowballs chance in hell.

...Tamaki _loves me?_

If I told anyone I thought I'm lucky they would think I was mad, dying of cancer isn't what you'd call lucky, but I am.

The guy I've liked for years. Who I never thought I would see again. Has turned up in Japan to see me. He had been kind to me instead of mourning over me while my heart is still beating. And he loves me.

I'm so happy.

Tears spill again from my face, this is becoming too much of a common occurrence.

Tamaki looks shocked at me but then when I smile and pull of my oxygen mask fully he relaxes again and goes back to the red tomato shuffling nervously. I reach a hand out shakily towards his face, concentrating desperately on not letting it fall until it is rested on his cheek. He holds my arm gently to steady it. I can feel my father and friends staring, I don't care. I haven't been so happy in years.

I pull his face closer to mine and press his lips gently to mine, he helps close the gap and I close my eyes in the moment of bliss, enjoying the soft warmth, then open them again to look into Tamaki's eyes. They look happy too.

'_I love you,' _I whisper in my last breath, '_I'll always be here.'_

The tears trickle down my cheeks and I let myself sink into the silky darkness. The warmth of Tamaki lingers on my fingertips and lips.

'_I'll be right beside you.'_


End file.
